Saturday, March 31, 2012

Trying to conceive is lonely business

The first in a series for those of you wondering why I started this blog and what it's all about. 


Early on in our baby-making process we decided not to make it general knowledge that we are regularly engaging in what around here we like to call goal-oriented fucking (or gof-ing, if you've drunk the ttcaka (trying to conceive acronym kool aid)), for several reasons:

First off, if not immediately successful, I was concerned about enduring several months of "hey, how's that apparently barren wasteland of a womb (abwoaw) of yours doing this menstrual cycle?" comments from friends, loved ones, co-workers, that judging bitch at CVS who sells me my pre-natals and pregnancy tests, etc.

Then there's the fact that the people I want to tell are likely to be emotionally invested too.  Nothing like dealing with future-grandma's crushing disappointment each month as I cry into my glass of wine/box of tampons (box of wine/glass of tampons?).

Also, I felt that the majority of the people I told would not be able to 100% empathize with the situation.  Everyone's journey is different; I may wind up dodging legos and matchbox cars on the way to a midnight diaper change or I may find myself tying balloons to the house to escape the crushing realities of childless old age.  Either way someone is thinking "thank god that's not me".  If I did find a fellow infertile myrtle to relate to, one of us is going to get knocked up first.  Hatred and jealousy will ensue.

Finally, it subconsciously forces people to realize I’m doing it.  On the regular.  Do you really want to see that realization behind the glassy stare your dad gives you as he smiles and says "greeeeaat!" through his teeth?  Seriously, they thought it all ended after the birds and the bees talk.  They just want to snuggle the grandkid, not confront the X-rated realities of how they got there.

Still, I feel the need to share.  To connect with other human beings in a low commitment, egocentric, no one gets hurt sort of way.  So, I'm embracing internet anonymity!  I vent, you read, we all grow and learn!  What could go wrong?

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