A lot of people in the infertility community dread today, put self imposed bans on Facebook and avoid locations where mother's day is likely to pop up and remind them that they are not a mother (brunch spots, card stores, places of worship, groceries, flower shops, restaurants, any place beyond the front door and lets just be honest it's probably best to stay in bed with the covers over your head quietly humming to yourself).
I didn't have any plans to do any such deprivation today, and while the few posts I've already seen on Facebook this morning did make my heart take that slight dip into my stomach - overall I'm not feeling this day is any different.
Maybe it's partly because I've finally gone numb to it all? I know for a fact it's not because I'm all zen and accepting about our situation (that's for fucks sure).
But the overwhelming feeling I am experiencing at the moment, and perhaps this is why today hasn't sent me into hysterics (yet!) is that I'm not a mom, and can't even aspire to be lumped in with today's celebrants.
That my major life goal right now is so unobtainable that I can't even look at those who have it and be jealous.
And *that* is some shit I need to work on.