Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Extended Forecast

May - You know what they say! April cancelled-due-to-over-stimulation IUIs bring May self loathing and
binging! Expect periods of heavy drinking. Our satellites are showing a high likelihood of renewed ice coffee and frozen yogurt addiction.

June - Summer will finally be in full swing and we're anticipating an unprecedented renewed commitment to "fuck, I'll do anything to get knocked up naturally" periodic lifestyle changes. A strong yoga front should be bringing with it "positive affirmations" and "guided imagery". Experts are uncertain whether or not "ridiculous diet changes" will rear their ugly heads again, but are guaranteeing caffeine withdrawal and rebound "this is stupid!" pre-adolescent self-criticism.

July - Well folks, we thought we'd be able to avoid this one, but we're now forecasting a Category 5 Hormone Storm sometime in early July. High doses of Lupron and Follistim will mix with "that IVF you until recently were sure you'd *never* do" promising bitchiness up to 157 miles an hour or higher and catastrophic ugly crying meltdowns.

Batten down the hatches!

And if you don't have hatches - go out, buy some, and batten those fuckers down.

1 comment:

  1. :-(

    The irony of having *too many* eggs blows me away. I applaud you for refraining from casting yourself in "A & K + fuuuuuuuuck"!

    If you need someone to rant to who will also eat an appalling amount of ice cream to make you feel less bingey, I'm here.