First off, meet my new friend:
Today I went out (after scouring the world for a Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon - seriously, they're never around when you actually need one!) and picked myself up a spiffy new coffeemaker.
But this is not just a simple coffee maker.
No.
This is mornings off spent reading and sipping coffee instead of rushing out before the sun to go be probed and have my blood taken.
This is filling up a travel mug at 0615 as I run out the door to kick ass and save lives for 12 hours.
This is me letting go of the guilt. The guilt I felt every time I had a cup of coffee, even though my doctor never told me explicitly to give up caffeine, or that my one cup a day habit was having ill effects on our conception.
This is me saying that there was nothing I could have eaten, or not eaten, done or not done that would have had any affect on the outcome.
This is me saying that my infertility was not my fault.
And then having a fucking cup of coffee.
You really think your infertility was your fault? Don't think that way! It may not have been your fault at all. Nice coffee maker, though. I haven't had any coffee since June, I believe it was. It was harder to give up than Fentanyl.
ReplyDeleteCoffee as affirmation!!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this! Cracking up, this is so me. I completely understand what you are saying and reading what your saying while Im drinking my coffee too!
ReplyDeleteenjoy that coffee! I go through the same things with the B,B & B coupons!
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW - I am a bit early :)
To celebrate the publication of my book there is a giveaway on my blog to celebrate the publication (autographed book, $25 Victoria Secret Gift Card, Sandi Rose CD) - I'd love if you can check it out...
I nominated you for the Liebster Award: http://theempressandthefool.wordpress.com/2013/09/21/liebster-who-doesnt-love-a-little-recognition/
ReplyDeletewow, thanks! I'll get right on my response! :)
DeleteHello from ICLW. I am so glad I found your blog! I find it so refreshing - and reassuring - to read about someone who is brave and generous enough to share their journey of stepping away from ttc after infertility...which is a place I am fast approaching. It makes a nice change from what can sometimes feel like fear-driven, 'never-give-up' repetition in the ALI blogging world. Thank you for contributing an honest and unique voice. I wish there were more blogs like yours.
ReplyDeleteAnd hey, enjoy every sip of that coffee! You deserve it.
Hi from ICLW. This post made my day. I raise my pumpkin spice latte this morning to you!
ReplyDeleteooo, pumpkin spice latte... now *that's* an idea! ^_^
DeleteHi from ICLW! I love this post...it feels so good, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW. I love coffee so much. When I took a break this summer from treatment, my husband made me huge vats of cold brew coffee and I drank it ALL. Coffee is what I miss the most in all of this. Also - I love your blogger profile quote - The Fault in Our Stars is an all-time favorite.
ReplyDeleteOh man, cold brew ice coffee is the *best*
DeleteThe Fault in Our Stars was such a good one, I read it in one sitting on a day that I really needed a good cry (http://inconception.blogspot.com/2013/05/my-day-in-10-easy-steps.html) and man did it deliver!
You go, girl!
ReplyDeleteFrom ICLW,
Kerry